Tanubhrt.This.Side

What can I write, that has not already been written, not already been told! Being in Bangalore is a vibe, and I have gotten time to pen down about it today, probably my 7th or 8th day in this city, can be considered a clear indication of how much I am doing, and how less time I am left with. Would you want to know everything from the beginning, probably I won’t tell! But for today, I found myself in a dorm room in Kormangala, the drapers story or something! It is good! The dorm rooms are smaller but the working area in the ground floor makes up for all the small space in the room!

There is a theory about being in a different city than your hometown, they say you meet what everyone thinks about you, in your hometown, and you meet what you think about yourself in a city away from your home! Bangalore has called me over the years many times, sometimes I came and other times I blatantly refused. The first time I visited this place was when I had to join Infosys, I hated the city. Too much of traffic, why would anyone want to live here, who even pays premium rent for a place where there is nothing but malls, may be 10 years back this was the thing about Bangalore, or may be not. The second time I came here, I was depressed, visited Cubbon park, went to vijay mallayas mall, tried a 25k jacket and thought to myself, someday I am going to be rich enough to window shop this thing.

The third time I came, I was heart broken, I just wanted to go out of where I was and go somewhere else. I came to Bangalore and found myself living on the floors of my brother’s small house. I did travel in all the three cases to different places, but to be very honest, I was either too judgy or too depressed or may be too young to understand the beauty of Bangalore. For Bangalore is not in its traffics or pubs or for that matter in its weather, the beauty of the city lies in the small eateries, the corner houses, the hope that this city offers to people who want to make it big or to find someone to just be with.

There is a room and a space for everything and everyone here. May be not yet for me, but well I am an over thinker so don’t really know! Coming back to the random chit chat, I went to the underground comedy club in Kormangala, Sahil Shah was performing. He is a good performer, I think for someone who has only watched shows on YouTube, to see someone who is doing well live, was a great joy. He talked about being a PANDA and how 1 BHKs are actually 1 BHOSDK or something like that. The set was good, but I found myself finding it hard to stay focused for two hours. Not because it was for 2 hours, but the fact that I have not been living out, usually just sit in my house and mostly with a phone, but then to not be able to use phone and to fully enjoy someone, I found myself lost.

It has become a problem for everyone right, it is not just me! The joy of being fully alive in a place and not be with phone, to fully live life, the skill or the way of life that we had, has been lost. I can’t imaging living without my phone for an hour, when just few years back I could live for months without a phone! Things have changed, times have changed! This time coming to Bangalore, is about finding that space, of being alive, of being in the present. Of pushing myself from the confinements of a room, to spaces beyond just that room.

On a different note, I booked the tickets of Sahil’s show today and then in book my show it started showing me tickets for Akash Gupta, not that Sahil is bad, but my mind started to poke me, to tell me that no matter what I do nothing can be achieved in life, all of this coming to Bangalore is a waste and all you are doing is wasting money and nothing much. The voices some day become so strong that I get a bit cranky. So, there I was sitting in aromas of Biryani, having probably the best Biryani, but my mind was completely on a different thought, of how I had missed out on so much, how I am not able to plan better and well, you know the rabbit hole right! Thankfully I found myself letting go of thought and making my mind believe that even Sahil shah is good, he is good. It was just the mind that kept moving back and forth. The moment I told myself that it is okay, I found that Akash Gupta show is on the next day, and if I wish to, I can go there as well!

Sometimes, I wonder what could have lead to this functioning of brain, why do I keep questioning every decision, every choice and everything in between! When did it happen that I started to hate myself so much, when out of all the people, I should be my first lover! Phew! These thoughts could be for some other day! Ending today, hoping more days of doing more and judging less, of bringing myself in the present fully!

Many more stories to tell, hope you stay tuned!