Tanubhrt.This.Side

I am not a unique individual and I don’t have unique problems! I know for sure because of what I read today! All this while, I would think I have some mental issues and because of that I failed in life and I messed up! Reading today what I read, I know for sure, that all I needed growing up was love and attention. And all I was looking and searching for in my 20s was love and attention! The love and attention which was not based on any given action of mine, not because of anything that I said or achieved, but for just who I was! But I met with adults, who themselves were searching for same!

This one revelation has brought me closer in understanding of Trichotillomania! The reason I got it, was because deep inside I was screaming for some attention, someone who would want to listen to what I was going through in life! I am not particularly blaming my parents if that is what it looks like, but I think this has to be do something with having absent parents. With that I also know that being a parent is a tough task, a full time task, and you cannot just be easy on it!

So, you know by the title, I am reading “the courage to be happy” and today the author talks about why a child does what he or she does! He explains the five stages of a problematic child. How it begins with approvals, and when a child stops getting them, it starts looking for attention and when that is denied, it goes rebuke, and then revenge and then denial of himself or herself! I have been through all of the five stages and I realised all about it today!

I think when you have been denied something right from your start, you never realise that you are missing something and then all your life, you compare yourself to others. Trying to understand why you are who you are, and what makes them different from you! You spend a decade on it, and find your answers while reading a book! Funny huh! Karma is a thing that has to be cleared, that one has to feel and experience before finding any answers!

I thought I would tell you what I am learning in the book, and all I can talk about is how I am learning about myself through this book! I have come to realise that love and respect are the two things I yearned the most all through my life! I would search for this in all my failed relationships, and reading today made me realise that may be we all are searching for, what we never got!

In the earlier chapters of this book, when the author talks about respect he explains, respect means understanding the other person for who they are! Like how you respect the chapters in your science book. No matter what is written, you try to understand it for it is! You give it the time, the patience and for that matter sometimes take help from external books just to understand the textbook! That is not because, well could be because of failure from exam, or could be because you are genuinely interested in it! This is where we divide love and force!
When you try again and again, to understand and accept the individual for who they are, and may be in between inculcate good habits, not because someone else said to, you love it else its just respect and some force and then sometimes force! I wish I could experience both love and respect, I wish the same for you!

Amore,

Avantika