Tanubhrt.This.Side

I thought that being with myself is the best thing to be, I had been with myself, and for some years in the middle I did felt that this is the place I am happiest at. Having met people, I felt it more, and the urge to be with just myself increased a lot, honestly. However, there is something that has changed. Something for sure, like there is nothing to look forward to, although there are so many things. But I feel like not working on any of them, but rather sit idle.

Is it some form of mental illness? Or have I become so dark within me that it does not excites me anymore! Or have I always been this and probably just feeling like this in the last few days or months. May be the problem is not in the fact that there is a problem, but the fact that in the recent times I have started to notice it more, more than required. Because may be in life, or at least in my life, the mayhem that I assume is the one I create, to may be escape from something.

Well, the numbness of life it is right! I think may be I was alone earlier but not lonely and this time I feel lonely. And no amount of travelling or reading or anything is able to subside that emotion. Like I have lost my motivation to do anything, not sure why but its there. May be I need to start taking small steps right, small steps of consistency, starting with one thing and then catching up on others.

I know I might have said this before as well, but well, saying and doing are two different aspects of the same coin right, of the same life! Is it because I don’t have a routine in my life, and the one that I make is so hard on me that I am unable to follow the same. May be they were indeed right that saying and doing are two different things, but for the matter that life has been given and no matter I use it or not it will get spent, might as well use.

So then I guess before loneliness, the fight of consistency is important. Consistency with one small thing and then doing it for longer duration to ensure things turn out well. Because may be I am lonely, but at the end I do need something in life, or someone in life. And while before that someone, I can definitely work on brining in the something in life, starting with the level 1 of routine.