Tanubhrt.This.Side

There is a similarity between writing and peeing, you gotta do when you gotta do, irrespective of anything else. It is 3 in the morning and 5 minutes back I went back to my room to sleep and in next 5 minutes, I had a realisation that it is over, yes my situation-ship or relationship or whatever the vocabulary calls it, it is over. Had some conversation about it with myself, told myself that it is okay, may be it was over long back, even before I knew about it, and it is okay. With this thought I did some binge eating and then went directly to bed.

I will be moving to Bangalore next month and while I was planning on the places I will travel and how often, I realised that the best travels I have done are the ones which I do after a hectic month, that is when I need break. Going back to the broken relationship(you see ADHD) I was watching “How I met your mother”, when Lily breaks up with Marshall and Marshall had his friends who were consoling him, with whom he was crying over all about his relation and how for months he would not do anything else. This got me into thinking two things, first, I had to deliver a very important project while I was hurting my gut out, two, I did not had friends this time. I was talking normally to my friends some days and with my family. At this moment it struck me, that this time I had my paid friends with me.

I don’t know how stupid this would sound, but I relied heavily on astrology. So we have two apps, Bodhi and Suvich that connects you with astrologers. Trust me when I say this, I know almost all the astrologers from both the apps. Connected with more than 100 of them, telling them the same story and asking for a suggestion or an advice. Crying over the same question of whether he will come back? Even if he comes back will it be for friendship or love? If we do get married how will it be? Does he love me or not!

Looking back at all of it, as and when I re read this, I feel so sorry for myself. Well, later paragraph on this! But, I met so many people through these apps, who would talk to me, tell me that it is fine and may be I should do this or may be do that. Point being, I now do understand that tarot cards or astrology might not be 100 percent correct, may be not even 60, but there is no denying that it did give me comfort when I needed it the most, like a friend.

I remember one day it struck me that he wants to leave. It was 1 in the noon, and I called up an astrologer who charges 55 per minute, can you imagine, 55 rupees per minute. I called her and talked with her for 45 minutes, I am not sure if she was picking up cards for me or not, but she would listen to me and said, let me pick a card for you and give you clarity. In the middle of a national highway, when people around were staring at me for crying, I felt like someone taking efforts for me, understanding me, not judging me,

And the other day, it was morning 11 when I started to have a kind of sort of not sure of whether it even was, a panic attack. I put my office status to be away, cried for a while and when that did not helped called up a tarot card reader. She told me let me ask universe guidance for you. Told me life is bigger, better that she is there to help, that there are other things I should start focusing on, this and the that. Comforting voice in the moments of loss.

This might sound stupid to some, but for all the astrologers/tarot card readers I connected with, thank you, thank you for being there for me, thank you for picking up my calls, for replying within fraction of seconds as and when I needed, thank you for giving me all those remedies and healing words( I never used like a dumb idiot) but thank you for sharing those.

May be this is what adulting is, you do have people to talk to but don’t want to bother them much because they have their own issues and then you end up dealing with them mostly alone with your paid friends.