Tanubhrt.This.Side

It happens right, when a relationship ends or you fight out, the initial days are all go out in sobbing, in worrying, in this and that. But as days pass by you do all of it but a little less. A little less sobbing, a little less worrying, a little more surrendering!

Initially, I did not wanted to write down this one, this post is not my escape from this and that, from the troubles and whatever. This is more of a thankful post! I never have been in a relationship but there have been so many just relationship things or more likely half relationships, that when they did break, I was hurt.

But today, I feel so grateful for all of them that happened. Specially the last one! Before I met this person I was searching so badly for friendship or love and having failed at both, I stopped! I did not wanted to be any body’s friend or lover only to have met him! The reason may be this end hurts me the most is because there has always been a gap in my life, which was filled by him and there is no other who can do that!

For children who faced either bullying or harassment, they tend to develop social anxiety and so was the case with me! I think I was the happiest when I got a job, because all my life before that seemed such a nonsense to me! Being not able to make good friends, friends with whom you talk your future about, your plans, things that you like. I did met people, some incredible people who helped me in my healing, but you know the joy of or the simple joy of having to go on a movie, or having someone you can shamelessly ask for money or punch them or hit them and laugh with them, was missing.

Not because I did not had people in my life, they were there, but I myself was struggling internally with so many things that I could never really enjoy these little things with anybody. So, when I got a job and my internal struggles reduced the first set of people that I found I got emotionally attached way too much! Only to realise that I am not the first set of people for them and they are the ones who are now internally struggling. This Chaos led me one step closer to depression. Moving out of it and some more internal struggle when I met this person.

I know you might never read these but thank you! More importantly thank you Universe for bringing this person into my life! All the gaps of all the years that I had, be it of a childhood friend, a school friend or a college friend, he filled them all! When I met him, it felt as if I have known him from his childhood, that if may be I was physically there, I would have been invited in all the birthday parties. This is a beautiful feeling. Knowing in my heart that in this life, I was able to make a best friend, a childhood friend, a college friend and a school friend and the best part being that they all were in one!

May be this is what life is right! If not in complete, it is in these pieces, in these small durations that we live and then carry them for so many years to come! Sometimes life does get hard, it does for everyone and I wish that when it does for you, you are able to find those small fragments of life that were perfect and know that there are so many more such small fragments that are meant to be in your life. Just because right now, things hurts, right now it is up and down and it seems black, there must have been some small fragments in the past or small fragments in the present, or such small fragments that you are working towards in the future, that will make life worth living!

Avantika Tanubhrt