Tanubhrt.This.Side

I come from a place in my head where I always thought that having to do love marriage is going to be the best thing, something that I manifested for so long, and no doubt I did meet some of the most incredible men who could have been the ones I’d rather marry, but somehow they never worked out. There is lot of in the now moment feeling that I am having, where I am understanding lot of things about myself, and one of them being the fact that somehow my journey has been in a way that I have never focused on myself, never loved myself and so a new person often gets fatigued filling in the bucket too huge and too empty!

This one is a note to myself, to remind myself that I’d rather be alone that being with a man or be alone that rather be in a situation of . So, if you happen to read through this and figure out that I am still being the person who is thinking wrong or you know things or rather relations don’t work that way, let me know.

I think Id rather be alone that be with some who is seeking out sexual or emotional partner. I know this sounds so basic, but I have been with friends where I felt I have fallen in love but may be from their end it was just friendship. And so I punished myself into this situation, wherein I could not actually say things out loud, like I don’t like you going out meeting with her, I am not comfortable with this girl. No, I could not. Because even though I was in love, we were not in a committed relation. And then go through so many levels of anxiety and panics and yet when they come over call, pretend to be cool. So, I’d rather move out of this situation, may be even lose a friend but not be with someone I have more than friends feeling while he is seeking out love or lust somewhere else.

I’d rather be alone than be with someone who gives an unconsistent vibe. I think most of the adults or rather adult women go through this, where we be with someone because we love them or rather addicted to them, and so even though sometimes they say its love, sometimes friendship, sometimes introduce concepts of I don’t even know what nonsense they have been, I would rather move out of it. Move out of it and be alone than be with someone who is a lover the first month and a friend the next. Someone who is not sure of what they exactly want.