Tanubhrt.This.Side

Mind is a tricky place to look at, it can move you around places, trigger memories that can ruin, sometimes punch you down! I would be wrong if I say, that it is easy to calm down our thoughts, to just not worry much or to just relax a bit! For some people, it is, or it might be, for some it really is not!

When I had the fall, the thoughts would stay for long, unknowingly I did many thing to escape from the hell! The first was denial. I think everyone does that, it is the first step to enter into hell! When we deny things, we make them worse. More like, someone denying feeling the pain, when they clearly have a fracture. We have been so acquainted with dealing with physical pain, and so little when dealing the mental pain. Most often we brush things aside, trying to move on, focusing on other things, when suddenly all the neglected thoughts take over! That happened with me, I went into denial, when I first lost my way! I kept telling myself that everything is fine, or will be in some time, without having to do anything about it! I would sit in corners of the room, trying to escape people, hiding, wondering, overthinking, what others might be thinking about me. These thoughts were for real, the actions were as well. Although, I acted fucked, I pretended to be normal! Bad mistake. Big Mistake.

The consequences of denial are big, and I did not knew how to escape them. Looking back however, I feel there were things that I did unconsciously that helped me.

1. Walking up and down the staircase. I remember one day I was so muddled with the voices in my head, the ones that did not stop, that I started walking up and down the five floors of my office. I would count up and down and may be after walking up and down for 10th or 15th time, would just calmly sit down. It helped. Our mind often works extra hard, over thinks about random things, when the body does not work at all! We barely make exercising a routine in our lives, I know it and know it for sure, that 80 percent of our problems can be solved if we just take care of our body. Not about how it looks, but about how it is! It is not about whether you are thin or not, but whether you are healthy or not. Whether you have all the vitamins, proteins, minerals in your body. We need to take care of our body.
2. Sitting in Sun – When I landed in Chennai, I thought the struggle is over. That now I am out of all the thoughts and it is going to be just fine. Things never go wrong automatically, nor do they become right automatically. For everything wrong the cause is ignorance, for everything right the cause is care. Either ways, when I landed in Chennai, I was dawned with the task of finding a home. This required me to move, and I would rarely bother what time is! Whenever my thoughts would shut and I be brought back to reality I moved out to find a house for myself. This made me walk, walk a lot, often in sun. I would sometimes sit for long hours outside, to feel the sweat on my face. It would make me feel alive! It was later that I found out, the deficiency of Vitamin D and Vitamin B12, can cause your nervous system to go haywire. So, try, not like me sitting on sun anytime, but in morning. That time the Vitamin D is at its best.
3. Masturbate – I wanted to say sex, but well, hmm, masturbate. There was no way I found it, did it once, liked it and then did it again whenever I felt bad. It helps. How, that I don’t know, but it definitely helps. You could choose to masturbate, have sex or go out on date with opposite sex. All of that helps. When we fall, sometimes we do need the validation of how pretty we are, of how someone likes our smile, or how our hair falls perfectly. It might be fake, someone might be choosing a cheesy line, but it helps. Although, do not just land yourself in trouble for it, just some decent person! For me, it was while I was buying a book, a book for coloring, I thought it could help. The boy in the store was also looking for something and when I helped him, we ended up having a conversation. It helped me, to talk to someone, just anyone, about something that did not revolved around my problems. Then once, while roaming around in my society with my friend, two men came to talk to us, making some joke about my tshirt. We were all working in near by offices. I know this could have taken different turns, but for me, it went well. I ended up making a big brother and a friend, who I would walk with. We would talk about things and they would help me figuring out my life.

There are some more, honestly there are. I did landed up doing so many things, but for now, without losing my sanity for today and not digging further into past, I can tell you these. Try if it helps! and if you feel like talking to someone just mail us at anmoltanubhrt@gmail.com

Lots of love,

AnmolTanubhrt