Tanubhrt.This.Side

“Just make a god damn decision and move on!”. These were the words my manager told me when I fucked up one year of hard work onto a project and demanded release from the project. Sometime later on that, but few months post release from the project I went back to him, he sat me down and explained the process of decision making. Told me right down all my options, their pros and cons and which one would I like to choose right now, and then move ahead and not look back. Fair enough, right? Fair enough it is, honestly!

Wasn’t for me! Upon hearing his advice I wrote down all my reasons to stay and all those to leave. When starting to write them down, I could not find a single reason to stay, but when writing for reasons to leave, I had things like feeling like suicide, negative emotions, panic attacks and what not! Having decided in my head that I wanted to leave, I could not figure out the next step. How to move out, only because it required me to select a city and decide onto the city, tell my manager and take steps further.

I would go back and look up psychiatrist in different parts of our country, and then sometimes choose one city because it had the best one, only to later decline it because it had people I might know. Then deciding to choose the other city, only to find out, it is expensive. There came in a point in time where I would find myself closed in bathroom for hours, trying to close my ears as hard as I could! Or with people trying to take an advantage. I would have meltdowns in morning, evening and sometimes at night!

This has not been a long back kind of a story, more of a recently one. And I know I am still not over it. Right now, it is 2:40 am here, and I know, know for sure, there are so many things that might be messing up with your head! Things that might bring in panic attacks, sweating, screaming, silent screaming and some crappy habits.

This post is a letter I am writing to you, reminding that you could write on as well! anmoltanubhrt@gmail.com is the mail id, where you can send your letters. Sometimes talking with strangers helps in ways you cannot imagine! While this catches up, begin the gratitude journal, every morning, write ten things you are grateful for! Those could be the things that are hurting you right now, but might have been a source of love and happiness, be thankful!

Amore,

Anmol