Tanubhrt.This.Side

Things that are happening around, changing in directions that could not have been imagined by me or comprehended by me! The real world as it is and the fact that in the end I am all alone! There are questions in mind and the fact that there is no point being emotional is on my way!

The ultimate onus is on me and the truth is that there is no coming or going back from here. Things that have gone by or not sure where they are, I have lost my track and there is nothing I can think of! No one cares about and ultimately after sometime no one will even talk to me is the fact that bothers me, there are questions in my mind, answers to which are lost in my head! I am not sure which way to go and the fact that I have taken the wrong way out, listening to other people has started bothering or rather bugging me.

The fact that may be I am the coward one, or the fact that there are ultimately many other things going on my head, have I lost my battle or am I losing all my shit! I am already 24 and with nothing in hand, all I can say is that there is no other way as well! Torturing so many people around and doing things here and there, things have been going in multitude of directions and I am nowhere to be found. The fact that ultimately I cannot even call anyone or the fact that there is no one around and I am all alone is just the matter that is bothering me!

I should have started working long time back, should have started writing long time back. The fact that I did not had even the guts to quit my job, the questions, the answers, the fact that I stayed there, should have fought for myself, the question of the fact here and there is the one bothering me. What will I tell my future self? What shall I answer her? The lost me or the found me?

Whom or what should I tell and where should I go, the questions of here and there and the things that could or should have been! I think I need to start working on myself and start thinking about myself and there is no question of moving from one place to other is the one that is bothering me! I have no answers to tell myself and no questions left to be asked! The image I had worked so hard creating for myself is lost in the mirage and the fact that now in my 24 I am all lost is bothering me from the top to the bottom!

The manager was write, he told me that one needs to ask himself or herself the questions he or she needs answers to, but the question here is not about the questions asked but the answers sought! The problem is may be not in others, but in me! The issues are lying all in me and I have no one to answer but to myself! So, what will be my story or what will I do? Will I have the guts to be able to do anything or just like always I will be lost!

The mind has now started working but is it only for now or the fact that I am lost is still evident! The opportunities missed, the shapes taken, the things done and the questions not answered, there are so many people who are doing things and I am not even thinking about myself! Slowly and steadily people are moving in directions that I could not have and it plainly irritates me! Not having taken a decision and then moving here and there rather oscillating in the same position, things might have changed for some, but they have not for me.

I need to find answers for me and take decisions for myself. My dreams matter the most and there is nothing much left to say or do!! I should have thought about myself and I now need to start living in the present! What is gone is bygone and what is left with me is the now and the here! The things lost must be lost and the things that I have is Oh! my god! I should have listened to myself, given the carriage of my life to myself and that would have helped me so much!

Quitting might not be an option and thinking that is making things even weird! Who the hell am I even or what the hell am I even doing! For the next three months, all I am thinking of is writing and doing some work, any work. Whatever comes my way! Whatever I will learn is whatever I will learn and once that is done I will have to move in the other direction! I wanted to study and do things and that has to be done!